May 11, 2008
… Badger has some suggestions for you:
I would like everyone, including myself, to use less self-deprecation, in their blogs, blog titles and descriptions, posts, emails, conversation, and life in general. How are you gendering your self presentation and what survival strategy is this? Do you need it? Is it working? Are you doing it on purpose? Consider.
Very helpful lists of phrases/words to avoid; for example:
Disclaimer phrases to disavow responsibility
* I think
* Maybe
* I don’t really know, but
* I’m not an expert, but
* I’m not sure,
* You’re probably much better at this than I am,
* I don’t really understand
May 11th, 2008 at 11:51 pm
And along with this we get to cudgel the overly self promoting including the royal “We” used in decisions and statements of opinion?
Two survival strategies that some of those phrases support are; continuing to take inputs, consensus building and working to gain additional view points and to promote valid delayed decision making. While delayed decisions can be bad, so can premature actions and mental closure.
Yes, there is some “gendering” in the concepts here, and potentially the taking of the one down position, but there are legit uses for such tactics.
And what about the IMO, IMHO.
Depreciation is definitely a viable strategy in delaying the Peter principal, if your not sure, clearly you should not be promoted above your competence.
May 12th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Good points, Les. I guess (there I go again!) the idea would be to use the disclaimers/deprecation intentionally rather than reflexively. I certainly don’t want to find myself arguing against consensus building!
May 12th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
And yet, there are those who could do with a phrase or two like that. You know, I tend to be very diplomatic, thinking about how my words will make others feel and react.
Isn’t it context that matters? The context of the situation and the context of who is speaking?
May 12th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Without a doubt, context is what matters. I understood the original post as being directed towards those of us who self-deprecate unconsciously, as a habit; we need to be aware of how that minimizes our sense of self and others’ sense of us. I earnestly hope that an emerging understanding of this speech tic could comfortably co-exist with kindness and diplomacy!
May 12th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
Context is important. So is humility. My favorite news comentator when I was a kid prefaced his pieces with the phrase “I may be wrong, but it seems to me….” That may sound self-deprecating (especially coming from a woman), but I like it, because the fact of the matter is that no matter how strongly I may feel about something I may actually be wrong, or at a minimum there may be another equally correct way of looking at situation.
I don’t like to see people put themselves down, but I do like opinion pieces to be laced with a little humility, kindness and open-mindedness.
Then, again, I could be wrong…..
May 12th, 2008 at 9:59 pm
LOL!
Humility is definitely among my top five favorite virtues. I think what I’m trying (and failing) to do is to distinguish between humility and cringing. Maybe I’m hypersensitive on this topic right now, as I recently heard my daughter conclude an opinion with “But I probably don’t know what I’m talking about,” which was a direct quote from me. Yikes!